(Chapters 17-23)

So much talk of happiness in these chapters, but in reality, everyone is miserable. The arrival of Edward brought a brief glimmer of sunshine, but to the Dashwoods’ disappointment, he is out of sorts and not nearly as good-natured as he had been at Norland. His melancholy brings an equal amount on the Dashwood women. They assume his poor humor is due to his inability to please his mother regarding his employment. Although the eldest son, the money Edward is to inherit is being held by his mother, and it seems unlikely to be freed to him until he enters a “worthy” profession in her eyes. Edward has only ever wanted to enter the church, not one to pursue status or personal glory, but those are precisely the things Mrs. Ferrars values most.

A (timeless) debate ensues on whether money can make you happy and how much would be necessary to be truly comfortable. It’s during this debate, that Edward asserts, “I wish as well as everybody else to be perfectly happy; but like everybody else it must be in my own way.” On the one hand, he may feel some of his burden lift if he were to pursue a career deemed admirable by his mother; both by earning her approval and by gaining wealth. Yet, this would require abandoning his own pursuits, his own methods of gaining happiness. Despite the light-heartedness of the debate, Edward’s gloominess remains and in a later conversation, Mrs. Dashwood attempts to encourage him from a different angle.

“Know your own happiness. You want nothing but patience – or give it a more fascinating name, call it hope.”

I’ve been where Edward is. Feeling like I was drifting, an observer in my own life, not knowing if I could break the cycle I was in. I worked so hard in school, and I loved school, but I had done a LOT of it, and I was tired. Not only had I done school, but I took on leadership positions, volunteered, tutored, traveled, worked – all to set myself up to reach a career goal. And I did it. I made it. I was working close to home, in a position pretty close to “the dream.” But I was miserable. As with any job, I knew parts of it would never be fun, but at this point, I wasn’t even having fun doing the “fun” parts.

What was wrong with me?! My friends and family were so happy for me and nothing but supportive. Why wasn’t I happy too? Wasn’t this what I wanted? Well… yes. It had been. But was it still what I wanted? Or was I continuing on because I felt like that was what I was supposed to do? At the same time, wouldn’t it be throwing away all of my hard work if I left? And that was my dilemma. This had been what I wanted at one point. But I’d gotten too caught up in doing what I was “supposed” to do, taking the jobs that were expected to be taken, rather than really listening to myself. Rather than pursuing my own happiness in my own way.

Recognizing this was the first step, but it took several more years for me to act. It took a lot of thinking, a lot of talking to my therapist, and a lot of time, patience, and encouragement from my mom – my own Mrs. Dashwood. It’s one thing to “know your own happiness,” another to regain the confidence to hope for, and then pursue, something better. I was worried about leaving my job to go back to school for many reasons. But, to be honest, the one that worried me the most was disappointing people. Letting people down who were so happy to see me where I was, who had done so much to support me to help get me there. And maybe I did disappoint some people when I shifted my career path, but not the important ones. The people who were happiest for me to get the “dream job,” were also happiest for me to go back to school. The ones who had previously done so much to support me in reaching my goals, continued to do so. In fact, I think many of them knew how I could “know my own happiness” before I did. But, like everybody else, I had to find it in my own way.

So, yes, I felt Edward rather acutely in this section. However, as we read on and Edward quits the neighborhood to return to his business in town, we realize Edward wasn’t just struggling with his mother and career…

The Steele sisters arrive at Barton, and prove to be just as silly as the permanent residents of the main house. Lucy Steele takes a liking to the eldest Dashwood, and decides to make Elinor her confidante (much to Elinor’s displeasure), and swearing her to secrecy. Elinor’s displeasure grows when she hears what Lucy reveals – that Lucy has been secretly engaged to Edward Ferrars these FOUR YEARS. Edward had been a pupil under Lucy’s uncle and their paths had crossed as Lucy and her sister often visited. Because Edward had recently spoken so highly of Elinor, Lucy felt she was just the person to trust with her secret and seek counsel from.

Elinor is in a devastated state of disbelief, as she has finally allowed herself to be convinced of Edward’s love for her. Not only by his actions, but by the confirmation of her own observations by her mother and sister. She keeps a (somewhat) level head and asks more questions of Lucy, but needs time to process this betrayal – Edwards? her own senses? – alone. At the end of this week’s chapters, Elinor has gathered herself enough to meet with Lucy Steele again. She comes prepared with questions to parse out the particulars of Lucy and Edward’s relationship. She is convinced she is both in control of her own feelings, and that there must be a reasonable explanation for how Edward has behaved.

Additional notes from this week’s reading:

• Marianne is still miserable as Willoughby has yet to reappear
• There has been no confirmation of Marianne and Willoughby’s assumed engagement
• Marianne refuses to act politely if it means doing so condones the absurdity and impropriety of the inhabitants of the main house
• Colonel Brandon remains away seeing to his urgent business